An RIAA/District Attorney training video warns about the dangers of CD spindles. But what could be inside? Photo: Hackintosh, apparently the Martha Stewart of hacker cuisine based on this innovation.

Suffice to say, we at CDM discourage pirating music. I should hasten to add, though, that we’re also generally opposed to terrorism, illegal firearms, and narcotics — just in case there’s any doubt. According to a training film produced by the National District Attorneys Association and Recording Industry Association of America, and leaked on the Interwebs (doh!), these things typically go hand in hand.

In the course of the film, the producers do stumble upon an interesting solution to the issue of sagging sales of physical CDs:

“There are some sayings in certain parts of the jurisdiction when you buy a CD, ‘would you like it with or without’,” Walters adds. “The ‘with’ is a CD enclosing a piece of crack or whatever the case may be. We, continually, in working with law enforcement, find that these locations have everything from handguns to large quantities of narcotics.”

Reviewing the RIAA’s “Reefer Madness” for the digital age [Ars Technica]

Wow, free crack with my pirated CD? This lends an entirely new layer to our ongoing coverage of the future of the compact disc.

All of this seems doubly peculiar when mixed with the RIAA’s anti-piracy campaign, which has been largely directed at online music piracy. It’s hard to squeeze in narcotics with a torrent.

But, since I know a lot of our readers are from outside the United States and have a terrifyingly skewed opinion already of, say, life in New York, let me say, for the record, I have never gotten a free handgun with a CD. Really. I am right now not hearing a stream of bullets being fired. I also weigh less than five hundred pounds, and I don’t own an SUV. I can take you to some cool record stores in town, and I promise the discs are both legal and drug-free. And we’re spending CDM’s donation drive proceeds on bandwidth and servers, not my crack habit. Come visit America. Once you clear that whole fingerprinting / retinal scan / whatever, it’s a good time. Okay?

  • http://www.myspace.com/kryptops kRYPToPS

    I'm sure we can find a way to GRIND the crack into the interwebs. Also, thanks for the brilliant idea for condiment storage. Cheers.

  • dead_red_eyes

    Hahahaha!!! You have fucking got to be kidding me. What a bunch of ignorant bastards.

    " I also weigh less than five hundred pounds, and I don’t own an SUV."

    Haha, Peter you crack me up. I too have never gotten crack with a CD, but I did buy a CD some years back with a crack in it!

    "Come visit America. Once you clear that whole fingerprinting / retinal scan / whatever, it’s a good time. Okay?"

    I assume that has to do with this article :

    http://www.boingboing.net/2008/02/19/bush-adminis

    Scary stuff indeed. There's this quote by a German guy on there and he thinks that todays America is all about "war, surveillance, christian fundamentalism" … I can't help but agree.

  • http://www.audiodamage.com Chris Randall

    For what it's worth, I know a bodega on Ave B and 12th that will give you a 40-bag of GQ with a purchase of a bag of Wise potato chips, but I guess this isn't the same thing at all, really. The chips cost $40, which is quite ludicrous when you think about it.

    -CR

  • http://andrew.hicox.com plurgid

    And here, the headline made me think this was going to be about how to sell more hip-hop records … the answer: "go gangsta" of course.

  • http://toilville.com Peter

    well thats ONE way for the RIAA to get people to start buying cds again

  • J-chot

    dead red eyes watches fox news/cnn too much.

    I refuse to believe that a nation that supports abortion can be considered "christian fundamentalist"

    do you really even know what that means? because I don't think anyone does.

  • Downpressor

    This might just be the greatest sales promotion idea to come along in years! I'm gonna look into the costs of including a single round of ammunition with each of my records at retail; "Authentic JA AK47 round with purchase"

    For the record, Japan has started fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors & long term visa holders as well.

    dead_red_eyes, I treat Cory Doctorow's commentary on civil liberties with the same weight as I treat his assenine spew on copyrights.

  • dead_red_eyes

    J-chot, I don't even want to get into this shit with you. I don't watch Faux news. I know what fundamentalist christians are because I was born and raised in the south. KTHXBYE.

    Downpressor, I didn't get fingerprinted in Japan. I did get photographed, by a friend tho. Maybe you got some bad info?

  • http://www.myspace.com/wilsontherocker Evan

    Re: "40-bag of GQ"

    Either that's a whole lot of men's fashion magazines, or I'm not nearly as worldly as I like to think I am.

    I'm guessing the latter.

    However, I do think free soy sauce with a CD is a fantastic idea!

  • Downpressor

    dead_red_eyes

    The fingerprinting/photography thing at immigration is recent, thus I said started fingerprinting. Since I live in Tokyo as a resident alien I do keep up with what immigration is up to. KTHXBYE

  • Champ

    I bet the RIAA were trolling around the vast "series of tubes" that make up this great interweb of ours, and stumbled across cracked and pirated software/music/movies and made the only logical guess: CRACK => DRUGS!

  • http://sidechainmusic.com Dave Dri

    The perfect sales model would be to make the CD out of crack itself. The consumer then has to keep buying it. Kind of like any Best Hits album really.

  • http://www.jchot.com J-chot

    I still live in the south.

    it's the greatest,

    everyone's friendly and laid-back.