The saga of the Beamz Laser Music System goes on: the spectacularly awful demo video has spread on the Internets, and after Gizmodo proclaimed it the most stupid promo video ever, they were challenged by the PR company to do a real review. (No such challenge yet for CDM, mercifully.)

This does reveal where the thing came from, though. The Beamz tool was “invented” by songwriter Jerry Riopelle, who had a fairly significant career penning tunes in the 60s (”The Thrill is Gone”) and went on to a solo career in the 70s. (I say “invented” because it’s certainly not the first laser harp in existence.) Apparently his dream more recently was to move to the Valley and make a gadget, so he went on to focus on Beamz — and landed an exclusive distribution deal with Sharper Image a few years ago, before the company’s finances fell apart. (Doh!) Jerry actually plays with his Beamz system onstage, and it … uh … kinda sounds like it does in the videos.

But the PR firm wants Gizmodo (and the world) to believe everyone will feel differently when they play it.. except we’d presumably have to hear it, too, which so far is a bit on the painful side. (They also say this obviously tech-savvy crowd loved it.) Yet, that’s not what bothers me — this does (from PR man Matt Silverman’s retort to Gizmodo):

It is not meant to be a traditional musical instrument because that takes so much training for people to master. The beamz was conceived and created by an accomplished Hollywood musician and songwriter whose goal was to allow the average music lover to experience the passion of making music.

This is something we hear all the time. Yet you never hear anything like this:

• Cup Noodles: Experience the real joy of cooking — finally, without needing years of apprenticeship under French master chefs.
• Hot Wheels: Why own a real car and bother with greenhouse gas emissions and drivers license exams when this fits in your pocket?
• Connect the Dots: Because deciding what to draw is just too much stress — and who wants hours and hours of training drawing nude models?
• Tetris - the non-competitive edition: Put the blocks wherever you want! You don’t want all that pressure. Heck … the blocks don’t even move.

Updated:

On a more serious note — and illustrating just what a big difference different users, different musical content, context, and purpose can make — check out what happens when the system’s creator visits a Children’s Hospital. Part of why it’s worth being thoughtful about this stuff, and not reducing it to black-and-white marketing terms, is that interface design really can be meaningful. Thanks to Koen for the link.

You’re not cool now? You will be, as your hands dance to the rhythm through the magical lasers.

A few moments of your playing, and nothing could possibly convince me that you didn’t grow up on the streets of Jamaica, banging oil drums you salvaged and hammered into shape.

Whoops, sorry — had to snap out of that for a second.

So, okay — it seems the beamz laser harp we saw last week comes with special algorithmic software that makes music play basically regardless of what you do. The problem with laser harps in general is they tend to the button-pressing variety: that is, you’re waving your arms around like crazy, but really the laser sensor is either off or on. (There are ways around that, but … well, not here.)

Watch closely as someone leaves their hand in front of the harp and does nothing. And this, of course, is what real instruments have going for them — that you have to work hard to play them, and that’s actually kind of the fun of it. It’s like basketball: if you just held down a button the entire game and a robot played for you, it would be easier, but that wouldn’t necessarily be better. Even as a computer game, we expect multiple buttons, and actual difficulty. If you waved your hands around and wore sunglasses and had a $600 gadget from Sharper Image and pretended to play basketball, that wouldn’t be much of an improvement, either. I’m not sure why music is excepted from this rule, but then, many things about this world provide amazement and confusion.

Yes, technically Guitar Hero / Rock Band does the same thing. Except that it has actual difficulty. And has real songs. And is fun. Whereas this is painful. And it’s about as expensive than Rock Band plus a PS3.

That leaves two questions.

Adam Dworak aka DJ Destruction writes to let us know he’s finished a video review of the ZERO8:

Via the DJ Destruction blog.

About halfway through, he gets to some hands-on demos with the internal effects and controllers, which demonstrates some of what makes the ZERO8 unique. Thanks for sharing this one, Adam!

Adam’s rig — the mixer, a DJ app (Virtual DJ), and use of the internal mixer and effects — qualify him as what is likely the target audience for the ZERO8. And you can see he’s pretty happy using it in that way.

We have heard some dissent, though, from people who wanted to use the ZERO8 for live laptop performance with Ableton Live, or with DJ sets that push the envelope a bit into the live performance area. In fairness, that may not have been the ZERO’s target audience, but as it is a target audience for CDM, I’ll be interested to see what gear can fit the bill.

Also, I don’t like to bring up anecdotal evidence, but do any ZERO owners out there know if Korg was able to resolve the “hiss problem” we heard readers complaining about?

What about the alternatives?

For various reasons I remain interested in the Ecler line. I don’t think it’s immediately comparable to the ZERO, but its focus on combining MIDI control and mixing features make it very interesting to the Ableton crowd. That’s nothing against the Korg kit, but in this emerging category, it may be closer to what this niche wants. I hope to look more at that soon. See our previous story (which also includes commentary on the Korg, so I’m not the only one making the comparison):

MIDI + Mixing: Ecler EVO4 DJ Mixer Specs, EVO5 Update

It’s tough to pull off an April Fool’s joke in the age of the blogosphere, because on April 1, everyone’s RSS feeds are saturated with fake news.

So, how do you fool people? With real news that seems outlandish enough to be a joke. It wouldn’t be the first time 4/1 became an auspicious date; Apple, Inc. incorporated as a business on the first of April.

And so, it seemed I got … uh, punked. Because sources close to Asheville tell us that the Moog guitar, teased yesterday in a video, is really coming. A guitar from Moog. You heard that right. (More comments are coming in, leaving no question: it’s real. Oops.) The Moog Music homepage has the video, so maybe someone who knows something about guitars / doesn’t already look like an idiot regarding this story would like to comment?

I just hope Gibson doesn’t sue Moog claiming to have invented sound.

At least this is a 4/1 fake. Right? Isn’t it?

Photo courtesy Matrixsynth @ Flickr; see “New Moog Guitar Related?”

Since it’s now April 2, the music technology April Foolishness has been revealed for what it is.

Composer/educator Steve Horelick provided a sneak glimpse of future functionality in an “unreleased” version of Apple’s Logic Pro:

Logic 303: Logic TNT

… although I wouldn’t be surprised to see Region Animation in a future version of FL “Fruity Loops” Studio.

Moog Music claimed to introduce a Moog guitar in a video teaser segment — that video appears to still be up. Personally, I thought this wasn’t as classic as the Moogerfooger MF-433’s “pure analog silence” — but some people did think it was real. (Hmmm… a guitar with built-in Moogerfooger effects, perhaps?) Don’t miss the MF-433 reviews, though.

Update: Okay, one slight correction on the Moog story. Did I say April Fool’s joke? That may be April Fool’s actual real product announcement. Then again, what’s real? Maybe Moog Music isn’t real, either. Ummm…

The best Moog gag of the day, though, was the Minimalmoog, as seen on Matrixsynth. I love “THE OSCILLATOR.” Ubercoolische, my friend.

Not to be outdone, Clavia introduced the Clavia Left Lead, for left-handed people.

Most amusing of all: Sweetwater’s faux vocalist plug-in, as released to CDM, was criticized for being too feasible. Yes, folks, technology has progressed to the point that readers fully expect to see a plug-in that replaces your vocalist. Well, or maybe that says something about the opinion you have of your vocalist. Point taken.

Updated: from comments, MusicRadar came up with the MusicMask, which reads facial expressions. Again, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone did something real along the same lines. (I was just fiddling with a new facial recognition library for Processing. Okay, I’ll stop…)

Thanks to Matrixsynth for being on top of all the 4/1 stuff. And yes, I will commit here and now: at some point during 2008, CDM will slip fake news into RSS on a day that isn’t April Fool’s, just to see who’s paying attention. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Updated again: This is my favorite yet: multi-sampled, multi-mic ReFill for Reason, “Reason Accordions.” Thanks to Wax in comments.

Introducing Reason Accordions - the hassle free, creativity sparking way of adding studio-grade accordion sounds to your mix. With Propellerhead Software’s ground breaking Hypersampling technique, we have captured these fine accordions in painstaking detail using state of the art equipment and instruments.

Too bad. Ernie Rideout would have been all over the Keyboard review, seriously. See, it used to be hard telling which 4/1 announcements were fake. Now it’s just hard keeping up. I think there were more product announcements yesterday (with a handful of real ones, for extra confusion) than on the first day of winter NAMM.

Then again, music tech announcements are often surreal as it is, so 4/1’s faux releases just seem like another average day.

If music technology has ever made you dream of autonomous musical robots, crawling around the floor making sound like a Juilliard of mechanical insect prodigies, I’ve got great news for you.

While we’re on the subject of DIY electronics, here are some words of encouragement: the designer who made that fantastic drum machine robot making the rounds on the Web says he’s got a day job, and you, too, can do what he did.

Yes, you.

First, check out the autonomous, banging-on-stuff and sampling drummer robot pictured above, if you haven’t seen it yet:

Robot Drum Machine Roams, Samples, Bangs On Stuff

Creator Frits Lyneborg (aka fristl) writes CDM (after hurdling our spam filters — sorry about that):

Hi there - Yes I am out there, and next to me is some sticks & wires & some yellow belt tracks :D

Thanks for all the street-credit etc, thank you so very much. I hope my next robot / next weekend can live up to this, lol!

I am CEO of bee3.com - consider this brilliant company next time you want a website. Well - what else to do with my 15 minutes of fame, if not an ad for my company ;)

Anyway - it is very easy to make these robots, seriously; I do not have much of a clue, I just have plenty of glue. Hey - what a little fame can bring up in you, rhyming now, so muzical :)

i have made a walk through on how to make a quite capable robot, that uses all the same basics, and it only takes 2 hours once you got the parts send by mail.. letsmakerobots.com

Trust me; it is fun and easy to build robots!

Still skeptical? Here’s an even simpler design:

The Atari Punk Console is one of DIY sonic electronics’ all-time greatest hits. Designed by Forrest M. Mims III — the brilliant electronics artist and engineer whose hand-drawn books were once promoted in Radio Shack — the “Stepped Tone Generator” as it was originally called is an excellent circuit for first-timers or those wanting something simple and adaptable. You can read up on the APC over on Wikipedia, with some good links to what the circuit does.

The Cracklebox is, similarly, a “greatest hit” of electrical noisemaking, a simple, self-contained synthesizer with speakers.

Put them together and add some comic art, and you’ve got the creation you see above, created by Massimiliano Farnea, aka maxfarnea. It’s been watching over the site from the CDM Flickr pool (which has various other stuff like this, as does the pool for our friends at MAKE and some other Flickr pools). So I had to know more. Here’s a quick preview from its creator — and the story behind that fantastic illustration:

It’s big. It’s beautiful. It’s … not at all practical as a mobile controller. It’s the Abletonator: Ableton Live on a PC with custom controller and casing, transformed into an arcade game cabinet form-factor. Why? Because. (Thanks to comments by Gavin for the tip!) So, if you liked the Ambassador Live controller with arcade buttons, but wanted a full cabinet so it’s impossible to lift, you’ll love this.

The creator is Jr Savage, who evidently created this in 2006. Install MAME on this, and you’ve got an all-Live, all-vintage-gaming dream machine. Specs:

• Custom-built plywood cabinet
• PC running Windows XP, Ableton Live 6 (hmmm… may want to upgrade the cabinet), with a 8×8 audio card
• 19″ LCD monitor
• Custom control surface: 8 channels, joystick navigation (of course!), touchpad and mouse
• 2-octave keyboard

You actually can get Jr Savage to make one of these bad boys for you, for about GBP2500.

“Coin-op electro shock.” I love it.

Abletonator project page

Off-topic, but fun if you like arcade cabinets: our friends at Retro Thing show off a Doctor Who Tardis DIY project, and a video of building their own cabinet if you want to try this yourself.

And don’t miss one of my Favorite Things Ever, Gav’s own audiovisual arcade table, a kind of VJ Hero you can play with your mates and set beers on, to boot:

VJing, The Game: The AV Arcade Table, Powered by VJAMM [Create Digital Motion]

This has been making the blog-o-rounds, but if you haven’t seen it, the Yellow Drum Machine is a brilliant musical robot — brilliantly musical, and brilliantly simply technologically. (There’s something to be said for elegant design.) It rolls around, looks for objects nearby, bangs on them, and samples that sound. (Hmm, it’s like a little robotic equivalent of me around my apartment.) As seen on MAKE.

The specs are terrific:

• Cost to build: $120
• Time to build: 20 hours
• Actuators / output devices: 6 geared motors in total, 2 speakers, sound sampler
• Control method: autonomous (very)
• CPU: Picaxe 28
• Operating system: Picaxe basic
• Power source: 4 AA batteries
• Programming language: Picaxe basic
• Sensors / input devices: SRF05, microphone
• Target environment: where ever there is something to play on

By “fritsl” — fritsl, if you’re out there (or anyone else), want to let us in on who you are?

Previously:

Robots on CDM

Robot Drummers, Compared: Like Musicians, Robots are Better When They Listen

Robot Drummer Responds to Human Playing; How They Did It (speaking of which, Gil and company at Georgia Tech, perhaps it’s time for a Haile Mobile?)

Got something cool like this and can get to San Francisco in April? I hope you’re entering our competition!

Everyone and their dog seems to be trying to get into the social Web, but Tonium, the folks who built the pricey but slick-looking Pacemaker mobile DJ player, have an interesting take. They’re combining mobile hardware, mixing and media management and software, and social site in one integrated service. It’s a bit like iTunes, Beatport, iPod, and Traktor had a love child. The idea is a three-pronged approach: there’s the portable DJ MP3 player we’ve seen before, for storing your music library and mixing sets on the fly, editor software that lets you fine-tune mixes, and a web community that lets you share mixes with other Pacemaker users. The editor syncs with the hardware, mixes from the hardware and the software can go online — you get the idea.

All of this looks good — and literally looks good, with lots of shiny black business on the website — but the question remains whether anyone can be taken seriously DJing this way, or perhaps whether that matters. The target seems to be casual listeners wanting a slightly more interactive experience, and people with some cash to spare. The software is already interesting, but time stretch and more customized effects are still due in an update. I also wonder if some people will just forgo the hardware and use the web tool and software.

Pacemaker.net beta

Tonium launches Pacemaker online community [Webware] — our friend Donald Bell notes that the site has had to sign some deals with labels and place restrictions on how often an artist appears in a mix