Since it’s now April 2, the music technology April Foolishness has been revealed for what it is.

Composer/educator Steve Horelick provided a sneak glimpse of future functionality in an “unreleased” version of Apple’s Logic Pro:

Logic 303: Logic TNT

… although I wouldn’t be surprised to see Region Animation in a future version of FL “Fruity Loops” Studio.

Moog Music claimed to introduce a Moog guitar in a video teaser segment — that video appears to still be up. Personally, I thought this wasn’t as classic as the Moogerfooger MF-433’s “pure analog silence” — but some people did think it was real. (Hmmm… a guitar with built-in Moogerfooger effects, perhaps?) Don’t miss the MF-433 reviews, though.

Update: Okay, one slight correction on the Moog story. Did I say April Fool’s joke? That may be April Fool’s actual real product announcement. Then again, what’s real? Maybe Moog Music isn’t real, either. Ummm…

The best Moog gag of the day, though, was the Minimalmoog, as seen on Matrixsynth. I love “THE OSCILLATOR.” Ubercoolische, my friend.

Not to be outdone, Clavia introduced the Clavia Left Lead, for left-handed people.

Most amusing of all: Sweetwater’s faux vocalist plug-in, as released to CDM, was criticized for being too feasible. Yes, folks, technology has progressed to the point that readers fully expect to see a plug-in that replaces your vocalist. Well, or maybe that says something about the opinion you have of your vocalist. Point taken.

Updated: from comments, MusicRadar came up with the MusicMask, which reads facial expressions. Again, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone did something real along the same lines. (I was just fiddling with a new facial recognition library for Processing. Okay, I’ll stop…)

Thanks to Matrixsynth for being on top of all the 4/1 stuff. And yes, I will commit here and now: at some point during 2008, CDM will slip fake news into RSS on a day that isn’t April Fool’s, just to see who’s paying attention. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Updated again: This is my favorite yet: multi-sampled, multi-mic ReFill for Reason, “Reason Accordions.” Thanks to Wax in comments.

Introducing Reason Accordions - the hassle free, creativity sparking way of adding studio-grade accordion sounds to your mix. With Propellerhead Software’s ground breaking Hypersampling technique, we have captured these fine accordions in painstaking detail using state of the art equipment and instruments.

Too bad. Ernie Rideout would have been all over the Keyboard review, seriously. See, it used to be hard telling which 4/1 announcements were fake. Now it’s just hard keeping up. I think there were more product announcements yesterday (with a handful of real ones, for extra confusion) than on the first day of winter NAMM.

Then again, music tech announcements are often surreal as it is, so 4/1’s faux releases just seem like another average day.

Keyboard Magazine, I have a challenge for you:

I think this solo desperately wants a Keyboard transcription. You know, “Play like Sun Ra.” It may require a larger insert, but maybe it could be sponsored by Yamaha or something.

Okay, granted, Earthlings might argue that this sounds chaotic, but on Sun Ra’s native planet Jupiter, this actually borders on the pedestrian. It’s pretty conventional 83-fingered hyperlocramixydixylycradidian mode, transposed here to what is apparently a Yamaha YC-30. Sun Ra even makes a nod to the fact that the Jupiterians’ torso typically rotates at increasing speed during live performances, as an especially “grupicosmilogical” solo causes their arms to detach.

What?

You want me to do the transcription?

Due when?

SUN RA - Live - Keyboard Solo (1980) [Matrixsynth]

In all seriousness, this just happened to coincide with listening to some Sun Ra records this weekend … if you don’t know his music, take some time to listen to it. YouTube excerpts with bad sound could easily give you the wrong idea. The ability to order a certain amount of entropy into larger forms that really are connected with the jazz tradition is amazing. And for those of you running boring, equal-measured loops in Ableton, spend some time with the polyrhythms. Sun Ra does have good stuff to teach. And it makes me look forward to Yuri’s Night in April all the more — Sun Ra is the artist who really went to space, and brought us back some music. Who needs Virgin Galactic?

As a follow-up to my controversial defense of the keytar attempt to get people to stop complaining in comments that they can’t buy a keytar and excuse to needle Roland again.

This is CDM reader Billy Hunt. The bright spot in the upper right hand of the screen is fire — a fireball launched from his keytar. Billy modded his Roland AX-7 for wireless MIDI control (okay, logical, practical choice there) and added a “gun that shoots flash paper” (not so typical).

Billy writes:

It is the best instrument ever. Shooting flames out of your keytar while you use the infared beam to make it squeal like a pig makes the girls want you, and the men want to be you.

Billy is in the band Straight Punch to the Crotch with Buddy — the dummy you see on the right, which itself is MIDI-enabled. Billy describes Buddy as “a midi dummy with drum triggers in his head, shoulders, and (of course) crotch.” I’m hoping Billy will someday present an academic paper at the NIME conference on “Musical Applications of Tactile Sensitive Anatomy Sensing: Dummy Crotch Punching.”

CDM doesn’t very often print retractions, but I think it’s time for one. As a number of you pointed out in hilariously frank fashion, keytars are indeed not cool. So, here’s my Official Correction: flame-shooting keytars are cool — provided they’re in the right hands.

We’ve learned many things through this week’s Keytar Controversy:

1. Keytar aficionados don’t like the term “keytar,” preferring the more-dignified term “strap-on.” This is analogous to the Star Trek fan deciding neither “Trekkie” nor “Trekker” accurately describes their devotion, suggesting instead “penis.”

2. Normal, non-strappable keyboards and pianos actually are cool. Really. You can play keyboards just like that. (Who knew? I thought my piano teachers were trying to tell me something.)

3. In the Chinese and Japanese markets, keytars are preferred by girls. I will extrapolate from this that while I would look really dorky playing a keytar (I don’t own one, despite allegations from readers and bloggers), many girls look super cute with them.

4. Readers here are split between loving and hating the keyta– uh, strap-on. No one has neutral feelings about them. I think that tells you the real reason why they can’t be made any more.

The best part of the debate comes in the blog post Keytars Are Still Lame, with this visual aid:

There’s just one problem. Ray Charles is a great reason to learn the piano. But hand Ray Charles a keytar, and suddenly the keytar is cool. And that’s the point, isn’t it?

I love you, Roland. I really do. But it has to be said:

You’re completely clueless when it comes to the coolest things you’ve ever made.

And if an ordinary keyboard with a silly guitar-style body and shoulder strap can be cool, I’m not sure I can even blame you. You just have to listen to the people.

People love their 303, their 808, even their 909. Yet when these a whole generation of kids desperately wanted you to just re-release these things — or your Jupiter, or Juno, any of your other fantastic keyboards and sound toys of yesteryear — you’ve responded with souped-up, “modernized” versions that mainly share only the name.

But most importantly, you killed the keytar (the awesome, infrared-equipped AX-7) just before everyone decided they really had to have one. So, every week, I hear from people wanting them, just because of I mentioned the keytar in a random post back in April 2005.

Ironically, then, I said, the Keytar Lives. And it does, more than ever — just not in your catalog.

In comments, people sound desperate, hungry — sometimes even poetic. (They sing to the keytar, in Spanish, “ESTOS INSTRUMRNTOS SON GENIALES…..YO TENGO UNO Y LO RECOMIENDO, EL NIVEL DE EXPRESIVIDAD EN VIVO CON ESTA JOYITA ES INCREIBLE….”) Pure poetry.

It’s driven the AX-7 prices sky-high on eBay, though some cheaper items remain of lesser-known and older models. The really lucky people get theirs for fifteen bucks at a yard sale from people who don’t know better.

But why not new units, if they’re this popular? Yamaha — I hope you’re listening, too. Korg? How about a nice, cheap CME version with motorized faders and some band dumping paint on it?

But Don’t Take My Word For It

Take the Times. No, not the New York Times or LA Times - the Times, as in London. The one that gave us Times New Roman.

Allmusic.com’s blog is doing vintage music-related ads. A true classic: this ad for Casio keyboards. Grab an MT-100 and some hair product, hit the NYC subway, crank your volume, and pick up trashy 80s women! The NYPD will nod in approval. Wow, now I know how to supplement my income.

Retro Ad of the Week

Thanks to Zach Steiner for this one!

Just don’t circuit bend that MT-100 — then you might run afoul of the policeman.

You’ve seen the “top picks” lists elsewhere online for the NAMM show, that massive Californian convergence of musical instruments and music-making gear. Add together the knobs and faders from such lists, and you could probably build a synthesizer Death Star and destroy Daft Punk’s hidden Rebel base. Of course, you’d only have a marginally larger Death Star than the identical one you could have built from last year’s gear.

We’re doing things a little differently: picking out entirely random stuff that managed to reach for the sublime — including the sublimely absurd. Bad is better than boring. We’ve seen strange things that simply failed, or at least substantially creeped us out.

Now, those moments of victory, of supreme revelation, of –

Yeah, that’s Roger Linn, the LM-1 and former MPC designer without whom drum machines as we know them today wouldn’t exist, holding the “Drum Machines Have No Soul” bumper sticker he acquired. That’s why we were in Anaheim.

We’re still waiting on Barry Wood’s legendary NAMM Oddities, so we’ll focus on our own sense of the exceptional.

Other standout moments and products for reflection:

Will Richard Devine unleash his blazing fury once again at NAMM this year as he did with the Neko keyboard, or will he physically keep his cool but unveil his own brand of auditory destruction instead?

Come to the CDM Unofficial Afterparty in Los Angeles and find out! Show up at 8pm to Bassworks and witness a DIY, technological show and tell and then stick around to check out live musicians and visualists along with our pal Rich. Fire may or may not make an appearance, but we in CDM HQ personally hope for the metaphorical sort.

And you are all on the guestlist (meaning it’s a free party). You’d be ragingly insane to miss it if you’re local on Friday.

Circuit Bent Casio SK 1 from Gijs on Vimeo.

Note: we are temporarily having problems with Vimeo’s embedded video. (So is MAKE, evidently, so it’s not our fault!) Click through to see the video, or enjoy the lovely garbled characters if they’re there.

Regular followers of the music tech blogs know the wild and wonderful work of bender/inventor Gijs Gieskes (here or all over here), in which Casio keyboards get massive mechanical add-ons and Sega games become fuzzy, distorted video art. Phillip Torrone writes us to let us know MAKE has taken a closer look at the artist:

In the illustrious world of case-mods and console hacking, artists and makers are re-inventing the design and function of these ubiquitous consumer electronics devices by creating hybrid systems and creative artifacts that challenge the corporate status quo. Taking this credo to an extreme with his inventive hardware projects is Dutch artist and maker, Gijs Gieskes. From casting a Nintendo Gameboy in concrete in order to build a garden path with “GameBoy Bricks” to creating an analog version of the hated spinning cursor in the Mac OSX operating system with “Spinning Beach Ball of Death”, Gieskes’ work and live performances are an inventive look at how closely entrenched we’ve become in the world of glitchy hardware and scrambled noise producing machines. MAKE recently caught up with Gieskes to discuss his practice, philosophy, and exactly how important the current crop of hackable consumer electronics might be to future generations.

Modding consumer electronics devices into DJ tools with Gijs Gieskes

The author of the interview, Jonah Brucker-Cohen, is an artist himself, so for a little meta-interviewing, check out Regine interviewing Jonah for we make money not art.

Of course, if you’d like to challenge the likes of Gijs and think your bending kung fu is better, get applying to this year’s Bent Festival.

And if you’re in London, MAKE also points to what looks like a really cool toy bending workshop there. Let us know if any of you go!

As if we’re not normally fantasizing about strange gear, electronics, t-shirts, software, and general oddities throughout most of the year, now is a special time when our thoughts turn to even more intricate rationalizations for buying great stuff for ourselves and our loved ones. If you’re looking for a last-minute gift, or just waiting until after various holidays to expand your studio, here are a few ideas. They read not only as a gift guide, but as a "Really Wonderful Things We’re Into" guide. And naturally, we don’t believe in throwaway consumption — readers on this site still avidly use Commodore 64s, after all. We’ve asked our contributors to come up with stuff they’ll treasure forever. Here are their favorites

Mike Una

Michael Una is an informant and writer for CDM on bent circuits, sound art, and electronic goodness; check out his interview last week with Beatrix*Jar and the results of the Circuit Bending Challenge.

Hip fashion for music geeks:

Moogs Not Missiles T-shirt, $20 from Etsy.com (above)

Synthi Blue Green T-shirt, $21.99 from Gear Addict @ Cafe Press

Bootsy Collins T-Shirts, $20.99 from rocktshirtspunk.com